Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and didn’t recognize who you were anymore? That was me at 20 years old. As I have mentioned in a few of my previous blog posts, I accomplished a lot of my big goals by the age of 20. I became very “successful” in the world’s eyes early and fast. But there were a few times in 2017 that when I saw myself in the mirror I didn’t know the girl who was staring back at me. Sure, I looked like I had it all on the outside. But I didn’t like the person I was turning into on the inside. I struggled with insecurity due to things in my teenage years, I wanted to live up to what the world said was successful by chasing fame in NYC, and the biggest issue of all was I was trying to maintain a physique that was unhealthy for me. All of these struggles combined built up sin in my heart. In my heart and in my mind I wasn’t the kindest, I became very selfish in my ways because I was trying to be someone who I wasn’t, and I felt very lost because I gained everything but felt the most empty. The verses in the gospel of Matthew describe how I felt perfectly, “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”
The last few months before Jesus was revealed to me I was trying to find purpose and meaning. The thought of “this is just how life is” was super depressing. And even more depressing was how stuck I felt in my sin. The feeling of being trapped in my ways and not knowing how to overcome what has taken over me. Thankfully when I was at my lowest point in my life, Jesus revealed himself to me personally. Growing up I believed in God but didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. I didn’t even really understand what that meant. I kind of just thought God was far away and we had to do good things for Him to love us. That we had to go to church because it was the right thing to do. But thankfully God placed a very special friend in my life that showed me what a relationship with Jesus was.
The day that I came to the end of myself I had a strong desire to find a church in the city because I needed hope. And not a quick fix or pick me up but a new way of life that would fulfill my soul for the rest of my life. The sermon that was preached during the first church service I went to in the city felt like it was meant just for me. I felt seen, heard, and known by God. Tears filled my eyes as I heard the good news of Jesus Christ.
It says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” And I hungered for that new life. During that church service I gave my life to Jesus and a few weeks after I got baptized on 12/17/17. It’s crazy that it’s already been six years since I made the decision to trust and follow Jesus with my life. And I want to encourage anyone reading this that doesn’t know Jesus personally and is feeling empty in their soul to seek Him. It will be the best decision of your life.
One of the most incredible and beautiful things about what Jesus offers is hope and new life found in Him. Galatians 2:20 says, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” I don’t know what you are going through, what struggles you face, what habit or choice you make that weighs you down but there is GOOD NEWS! You don’t have to stay there. That sin or way of life doesn’t define you. If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord and that He died and rose again you will become new in Christ Jesus. Your spirit will be changed and what you care for in this life will change. I am not saying this is easy. It’s far from it. But it is worth it and I can tell you that confidently from my own experience.
Almost a year after I gave my life to Jesus so many wonderful things changed inside of me. But my biggest struggle was still present and controlling me. My orthorexia nervosa (an obsession with healthy eating with associated restrictive behaviors) was still present. I remember reading my bible and having my journal time with Jesus on 9/16/18 when He put an impression on my heart of surrender. The Holy Spirit said to me “I have plans for you, but if you don’t surrender this to me you will not experience all I have for you.” I do want to note, that I didn’t hear God audibly but I know he placed that statement in my heart. Releasing control of my eating habits and body image was one of the hardest moments of my life. Not only because I felt accepted in that smaller body but also because at the time I had 35K followers on Instagram who were applauding me and who were wanting to be like me. After I became healthy many people have asked me how I overcame my eating disorder and all I can say is because of Jesus. He gave me the strength and changed the desires of my heart.
I share this with all of you humbly to reveal what Jesus has done in my life and what He can do for you! No sin or way of life is too much for Him to renew and transform. When you give your life to Jesus there is hope and new life for you. Sin no longer has any weight on you because Jesus paid the price for us once and for all! I’m going to leave you with this passage from Romans Chapter 6:5-11, “Since we have been united with Him in His death, we will also be raised to life as He was. We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with Him. We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and He will never die again. Death no longer has any power over Him. When He died, He died once to break the power of sin. But now that He lives, He lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.” I pray you finish this reading feeling encouraged and filled with hope that there is meaning and purpose for you. There are new beginnings in Christ Jesus, turn to Him and let Him show you what true life really is!
-Shara